Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
