After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
