I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Enjoy the penises
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
