does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
