I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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