I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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