the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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