I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
