sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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