Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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