please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
