He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i drank out of a bidet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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