His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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