He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
