i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
