Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
