well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
