i don't like sucking hair
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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