things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
