I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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