i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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