You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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