I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
