I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize