you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
