did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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