So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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