Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
