Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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