Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
