i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
