ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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