So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
