I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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