just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
