I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
