it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
