I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
