i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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