Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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