you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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