My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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