hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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