I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Terrible idea I love it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
