She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
