Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
