spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
