I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Are we in a gay sports bar?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
