Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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