His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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