Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
