Why are handjobs necessary in class?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
