my phone needs a breathalizer
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize