Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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