Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
