Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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