There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
