How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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