i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
