I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
