She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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