dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There r osticjed everywhere
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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