If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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