I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
