you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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