If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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