i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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