Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
