Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
